And this is important: Before she can respond to your ask, WORKING, invite her to say "no" if the answer is no or "straight" if the identity is straight. I'm a lesbian, and my partner recently reconnected with a childhood friend.
Can't Think Of A Clever Acronym Burn it down, CTOACA.
Call or e-mail your partner's old friend and tell him you think he's a pushy, unpleasant, smelly asshole and that you don't want to hang out with him—not at his place, not on a trip, and not at your wedding, which he not only won't be officiating but, if you had your druthers, he wouldn't be attending. You can't tell your soon-to-be wife who she can't have as a friend—that's controlling behavior—but she can't force you to spend time with someone you loathe.
But he's better now, and his pushy behavior really gets to me.
He texts her at all hours—and when he can't get in touch with her, he bugs me.
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